Christmas Family Traditions

Winter scene looking out from our front door in Kiltanna.

Childhood memories are mostly of sunny days, but maudlin memories of those Christmases from the late 50s and early 60s still linger.  It was so innocent and naïve, in a way, it was as if Christmas hadn’t been invented yet!  It was a Christmas of cowboy ‘cap’ guns and other useless ‘purties’ – they seldom lasted longer than a day.  We always had a turkey, our own free- range turkey, before it became trendy.  We even had a surplus, and I remember my mother sending turkeys by post to her sisters in England!   We usually had a Christmas cake from Upton’s in Ballylanders.  There was trifle, plum pudding, jelly and custard, the dinner of the year. I never remember drink being in the house. There were never visitors, nor were we encouraged to visit anyone. If the day had been anyway fine, Michael and I were to be found on the road with our hurleys, knuckles blue.

Christmas back then was more about the crib than about Santa.  The church was central to the festivities, and the midnight Mass and the Latin were magical.  There were no decorations, no Christmas tree and holly hung from the holy pictures.  Later, Michael and I usually liberated a Sitka Spruce sapling from a nearby forestry. One year, we brought one from Ballintubber through the fields for fear of detection, having cut it down with a bread knife!  Before electricity came to Rapala in 1958, the gloom was amber with the glow from paraffin lamps.  We were exceedingly lucky to have had exceptional parents, and so, despite their own strapped circumstances, we were always at the centre of Christmas Day as children. Mam and Dad worked far harder than we then realised to create an experience that modelled what it meant to care for others: with kindness, generosity, consideration and love. Even still, to this day, that tradition continues, and children don’t notice the carefully oiled machine that shudders into life to create the magic of a good Christmas, and hopefully that will never change.

Maeve and Anna visit the crib in Our Lady of Ransom Church in Glenroe.

I remember one Christmas in particular – the winter of ‘62 – ‘63 was long and memorable – it snowed and forgot to stop.   It began snowing at Christmas time, and the snow and ice remained on the ground for months. If my memory serves me, we didn’t return to school that year until late March! In the meantime, the snow lay on the ground, and people coped as best they could.

Looking back on it now, we were lucky that, as a family, we were nearly entirely self-sufficient and had no use or need whatsoever for convenience stores or supermarkets! I was a Mass server, and each morning I would get up and walk through the drifted snow to serve Mass in our local Church, nearly two miles away in Glenroe. Mass was in Latin at that time, and both Fr. Carroll, who was the Parish Priest, and the Mass servers faced the altar with their backs to the congregation, and the ten-year-old Mass servers made the responses in Latin. The congregation were silent throughout. The Vatican Council, Vatican II, had been convened at the time by the saintly Pope John XXIII, and great changes were around the corner – but not yet! You know what I always say about change: the only people who welcome it are babies with wet nappies!

I remember those mornings being joined on my trek to the Church by Hanny O’Dwyer, who was an extremely devout and holy woman who had already walked nearly two miles to get to my house. At least two of her brothers were priests in England or Scotland, and she attended Mass daily. That year, she was accompanied some mornings by her sister-in-law, who had recently married her brother, James, who was a farmer in nearby Ballintubber.

I have uncomfortable memories of being embarrassed by a new pair of shoes which had arrived in a parcel full of all kinds of ‘goodies’ from Aunty Mary just before Christmas that year.  My mother forced me to wear them on Sundays and when serving Mass.  Now in 1963, the problem was that these were a pair of slip-on shoes, and the only people I had ever seen wear slip-on shoes were women.  I felt that everyone in the church was looking at my new shiny black shoes. Little did I know that they were the coming fashion and that, for once, I was years ahead of my time!

The most shocking memory I have of that winter was the funeral of a local man. His name was Hayes, and for all I knew, he may have been a relation. He died, and I remember my Dad telling me that the snow drifts were up to the gable end of the farmhouse where he lived in Ballintubber. The neighbours had to shovel the snow away to make a pathway for people to enter the house. I have a vivid memory of the funeral cortege passing our house, and the coffin was being carried on the buckrake at the back of a red tractor. I was shocked at this sight, and I thought it was very disrespectful to the old man who had died.  In hindsight, however, it was probably the only practical way that he could have been taken to the Church.

In January 1963, I can still see in my mind’s eye, Mam and Dad and all six of their children looking out the front window as that funeral passed.   Later that year, in November, the seventh member of our family, Noreen, arrived hale and hearty, and the world has been a better place since!

John Montague, one of my favourite poets, has a haunting poem called ‘Like Dolmens Round My Childhood’. The poem describes the old people, his neighbours, who lived in a land where ancient beliefs and superstitions still survived. We get the sense that during his childhood, these vulnerable people still believed in myths and magic, curses, and the fierceness of local feuds.  Ghosts still roamed the land, in the dark countryside just beyond the reach of the farmhouse lights.

Looking back now, I realise that this was also true of my native place, and I am amazed at the number of old people that I knew and who knew me. These, often vulnerable, saintly people regularly passed my door, or I met them on my journey to and from school each day. People like Josie McGrath, Hanny Kelly and her brother Mick, Hanny O’Dwyer on her way to Mass, Jack Connell, ‘The Cuckoo’, who brought the post, Lew Walsh and his chestnut horse and trap, or his wife who, like Miss Havisham in Great Expectations, scared the life out of us on our way home from school in the evening, as she glared out at us from behind the hedge.

I remember stopping and talking to Syke Meade and his neighbour Bill English, on our way from school, as they leaned against the ditch looking up towards Bawnard. For as long as I knew him, Syke wore a long black overcoat and Wellington boots, whether it was Sunday or Monday, Summer or Winter. He was gifted at hooping hurleys, and Dad always brought him supplies of metal hoops from the discarded packaging from the cheese factory in Mitchelstown. Bill English was a gentle giant of a man, although he had a pronounced limp from an accident in his youth. Dad loved to have him in the yard when the hay was being brought home because of his great strength and height. There are other names too: Tom Lee and his son Mick and daughter Alice, Mick Quane and his daughter Anne, ‘John George’, Joe and Babe Hennessy, Tom and Mick Howard, Josie Tobin and the fierce Mrs McGrath.

I also have fond memories of Joseph Meade, who lived under the road down near The Battery bridge and also of his sister Betty. At that time Joseph worked as a farm labourer with the O’Dwyers, and we would often meet each morning on our way to the creamery in Darrragh. Joseph’s father had one or two cows, and he grazed them each day along the sides of the road, ‘the long acre’ we called it, between his own house and Lew Walshes. No greater example is needed to illustrate the differences that existed between those times and today.

Montague, the great poet of emotion and of place, sums up those long-gone times. I, too, am fascinated by those faded memories and the love of my native place, which has resurfaced as I reminisce. Just like Montague, I too bow to those ‘Gaunt figures of fear and friendliness’, because ‘For years they (have) trespassed on my dreams’.

That myriad cast of characters was part and parcel of the ‘village’ that raised me.  And it is only fitting that today a new generation should develop their own customs and new family Christmas traditions for this new age:  poring over Smyth’s Catalogues and coping with (multiple) Elves on the Shelf, even trips to Lapland to visit Santa.  But budgeting for Santa and tomorrow, and next year, at the kitchen table, is strictly for adults. All children should just feel cared for, excited, and part of the beloved traditions that make up their family’s festive season, being swept along by the ambience and anticipation that only Christmas can bring.

A Christmas Childhood sunrise over the Galtees.

Poems by my cousin, Bernie Crawford

image

Between the Pages of the Limerick Leader

Sometimes, when she didn’t have the time
to write long letters, my mother would roll up
a copy of the Limerick Leader, wrap a brown
envelope around the middle and address it:
PO Box 10, Mapoteng, Kingdom of Lesotho.
Printed material was cheaper than letter post, much
cheaper than parcel post and my mother loved a bargain.
Afternoons after school I walked
to the tin-roofed post office, its sky-blue walls dulled
with red dust from gravel roads, and in the lazy sunshine
‘Me Vero passed my mail to me. Recognising
my mother’s hand on a newspaper, I’d be full
of excitement for what I’d find between the pages:
a white cotton shirt, mauve and pink sweet peas
from her garden, pressed between photos
of a supper social and the Ballylanders notes,
and once, a matching set of soft, silk underwear.
She told me afterwards she got the nice lady in Todds
to help her choose, but insisted on no underwire.
She didn’t want to give away our little secret.

 

lesotho2-1592

Leaving for Lesotho

My father gave his nod to the morning: he’d shaved,
wore the trousers of his second-best suit,
(was it already flapping a little loose?)
his braces over a portly shape,
a deep wine of summer shirt.
He wasn’t travelling to the airport, said he’d let
my mother go with me. Before we left I went
out to him. He was fixing netting over fruit bushes
to stop jackdaws from taking his harvest. It wasn’t
his way to say much but he offered me a fistful
of freshly picked juicy goose gobs. Our mouths
full of their redolent taste, we walked together
to the front steps to take photos. Later,
much later, I went over and over what
I could/should have said. Instead, I reached up
and flicked a piece of newspaper from his face,
must have nicked himself while shaving.
We posed on the top step, his hands
casually nesting my shoulders, there where
we recorded all our comings and goings.
He came as far as the gate, said he knew
I was well able to look after myself but still . . .
I turned to wave from the car. That was the last time
I saw him, standing under the bough of roses
wiping his face with the back of his hand.

Ballylandersstreet
‘The Street’ – Ballylanders, Co. Limerick

House Work

Since January stole my tongue and tied it
into knots, the house has become a blank verse.
My hands repeat a cleaning rhyme in every stanza,
I pack metaphors into drawers, layer them
on shelves in the hot press among folded towels.
Sparkling saucepans, spilling stolen poetry, hang
from the freshly-painted bracket over the sink.
The old carpet is hoovered pink in borrowed time
and on the windowsill, the amaryllis blooms
its second bloom, overwatered with words.
In the kitchen, I serve page after page of tasty bites,
baked potatoes filled with buttery half-baked similes.
A lattice of deftly crafted pastry lines criss-cross
an apple pie and even the dog hasn’t escaped. Long
walks have compressed her into a revised version of herself.

Allotment-2

Clipped Life

They all said he wouldn’t last a hurry
what with Iris gone
But he knocked their wind ’n all
Two days after funeral
He was down allotment by ten
Took thermos with him
That became his way, bought paper
Meals-on-wheels every other day
Picked up some eggs at corner shop
Pension day he chanced two bob each way
I went with Mum and timed those visits
in cups of Lipton’s, dunked ginger nuts
He said George popped in too
Not regular, mind you
He still went down pub
early evening ’fore crowd came in
Half a bitter, back home
Watched telly an hour or so
The only time I heard him smile
was the day he told Mum and me
about the colour of purple-blue
flowers that came up between the cabbages
from bulbs he’d dug in
two days after Iris passed.

GN4_DAT_9817257.jpg--limerick_farmers_worried_over_cow_dung_court_case

Bringing Home the Cows

He struts
in the middle of the road
in the middle of the afternoon
His buttocks tight in blue denim
jiggle like g’s in the middle
of a giggle
He saunters his strut
all over the road
No one can pass
I shift from fifth to first
feast on his arrogant rear end
so cocksure
He flicks
an occasional switch
off a cow’s backside
Their full udders oscillate
like giant pendulums
and lull me
In my car
behind him
in the middle of the afternoon
on my way to Active Ageing Yoga
I’m thrumming full
of humming birds

d30s299-02181956-244d-4f50-a845-0d554d3eaa58

Impure Thoughts and Beethoven

Confession began
with an examination of conscience:
telling lies, five times,
fighting with her sisters,
stealing gobstoppers,
popping a clove rock under the tongue
when Moll Foley’s back was turned.
These were straightforward sins,
venial things that could be wiped clean
with a swipe of the clerical cloth.
It was the entertainment of impure thoughts
that swamped her. Her fingers played them
in the pocket of her winter coat,
as she dawdled to school
in November rain and January cold.
She tucked them up the puffed sleeves
of her summer dress,
and pushed them high on the swing
until they hovered in the air like dandelion wisps.
They entertained her.
But she must have entertained them too
because when she mastered Für Elise
on the piano they trembled to her tune.
Semi-quavers quivered her belly,
notes staccatoed down below,
and even more so when she glided forward
on the stool to reach the pedals.
Impure thoughts became interwoven
forever after with Beethoven.
Quiet Please
I don’t have one kind thought in my head
This is not the poem I intended to write
The gnawing teeth of a bushman saw
are cutting into my frontal lobe
I swallow down screams
The steady drip of commentary
to her companion pockmark my eardrum
I want to remove my silk sock
and stuff it in her mouth
I believed in freedom of speech
I scan the bus for another seat
Calculate travel time to Dublin
Plug my ears with a scratchy serviette
The words of her mosquito buzz penetrate
I clutch the rolled-up Irish Times in my hand
Brief moments of reprieve
Sweetness like Greek honey
trickling onto a parched palette
Eyes at rest in a dark room
after the dazzle of fireworks
And then it starts again
I look up misophonia on my iPhone
Strong, negative feelings to trigger sounds
Not to be confused with Hyperacusis
An increased negativity to certain frequencies
For me she strikes the wrong note
again and again. Two hours into the journey
the motion of the bus lulls her to a sporadic silence
I am newly disappointed when she pauses
so thoroughly am I wallowing in her lack of modulation.

Bernie-Crawford-300x292

Bernie Crawford, originally from Ballylanders, County Limerick now lives in Galway and in 2019 was awarded a bursary by Galway County Council to work on her first collection. Her poetry has been published widely in journals including Poetry Ireland Review, the North magazine, and Mslexia. A selection of her poetry is featured in The Blue Nib Chapbook 3. She is on the editorial board of the poetry magazine Skylight 47.